It’s another Thursday for our weekly Thursday Chronicles, where reality slaps and laughs meet storytelling and sarcasm. Buckle up, because this one might hit too close to home.
Let’s face it, being Nigerian is not for the faint-hearted. Living in this blessed country is like being in a never-ending episode of a reality show where the rules keep changing, the host is confused, and the audience is just watching for vibes. Whether it’s navigating the economy, surviving Lagos traffic, or dodging POS agents that charge like landlords, being sane in Nigeria is an extreme sport.
But don’t worry. I’ve created a survival guide for the mentally exhausted but still holding on. This isn’t your regular “drink water and mind your business” advice, this is real-time coping strategies that even your therapist would clap for.
1. Laugh at the Madness, or It Will Laugh at You
Ever been stuck in traffic for three hours, only to discover the cause was one broken-down danfo and a stubborn goat? In Nigeria, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, and the price of tissue paper isn’t smiling either.
Laughter is free, portable therapy. From Twitter (sorry, X) to skits on TikTok, Nigerians have mastered the art of turning pain into premium content. If you can’t change the situation, at least get content from it.
2. Master the Art of “God When” and “God Abeg”
There’s something humbling about being Nigerian. One minute you’re praying for fuel, the next minute you’re praying not to get fuel because the price has become ₦1,200 per litre. We are the only people who can say “God when” while posting someone else’s jollof rice, and then follow it with “God abeg” when we remember our account balance.
Keep your faith strong. God must answer somebody, and we claim it’s you next.
3. Stay Informed, But Not Too Informed
News in Nigeria is like pepper soup, hot, unpredictable, and not for everyone. One headline says “Nigeria’s Economy is Growing,” and the next says “Egg Now ₦200.” The best advice? Stay informed enough not to be scammed, but not too informed to the point that you start talking to your ceiling fan about national issues.
Be smart. Know what’s going on. But also, know when to switch to a funny reel.
4. Create Your Own Soft Life… Even If It’s on a Budget
Soft life in Nigeria is relative. For some, it’s flying business class to the Maldives. For others, it’s buying Gala and La Casera without checking your account first. Learn to romanticize your own life. Light a candle while eating Indomie. Play “Essence” while hand-washing clothes. Pretend that sachet water is Fiji water, because peace of mind is more important than packaging.
The cost of living is rising, but your imagination is still free.
5. Find Your People, and Vent Together
Life is better when you have someone to complain to. Whether it’s your best friend, your roommate, or that one cousin who sends you memes at 1 a.m., build your tribe. Nigerians don’t heal in isolation, we heal through group chat therapy and “have you eaten?” messages.
Don’t bottle everything up. There’s no light to power the fridge anyway.
6. Protect Your Mental Health Like It’s Your Last Naira
This is not motivational talk, this is survival. Take breaks. Log off. Sleep. Say no. Block that friend who always wants to borrow money and “will pay back soon.” There’s only one you, and this country will move on whether you’re tired or not.
In short: rest. Nigeria is not going anywhere.
7. Pray, Hope, and Hustle (In That Order)
Yes, it sounds cliché. But prayer keeps you sane, hope keeps you going, and hustle keeps you alive. Combine all three and wear them like bulletproof. Life in Nigeria may not be easy, but somehow, we keep showing up, stronger, funnier, and slightly more sarcastic every day.
Being Nigerian is a full-time job. You wake up every day hoping for peace, but life throws ₦1,500 plantain at you. You dream of soft life, but the only thing soft is your bank app crashing again.
But through it all, we laugh, we cry, we jollof, we tweet, we dance, we hustle… and most importantly, we survive.
That’s it for this week’s Thursday Chronicles, because if we don’t talk about it, we’ll explode. Catch you next week, same sarcasm, same chaos. Until then… may your data last longer than Nigerian promises.
