Welcome back to Thursday Chronicles, where we discuss life’s most important issues—like why your parents still believe turning off the fan will cure cold or why the remote disappears the moment you sit down.
Today, we’re tackling something every Nigerian knows but never really talks about: the unwritten rules of a Nigerian household.
1. If You’re the Last Born, Forget Peace
If you’re the last born, you’re automatically the household errand runner. It doesn’t matter if there are five older siblings sitting in the living room, if Mum needs something from the kitchen, guess who she’ll call? You.
And the worst part? Sometimes, she’ll wait until you just got comfortable before calling you. You could be sitting with your plate of jollof rice, about to take your first bite, and she’ll say:
“Toke, come and pass me that remote.”
The remote? The one sitting right next to her?!
2. Nepa Takes Light? Everybody Becomes a Stand-up Comedian
There’s nothing like a power outage to bring out the creativity in Nigerians. The moment NEPA takes light, you’ll hear things like:
- “Ah, PHCN don give us blinking light again!”
- “NEPA don off am for Baba Tunde, he no pay bill!”
- “Oya, bring out the rechargeable lamp!”
And if you live in an area where the transformer blows regularly, just know that you’re in for two weeks of darkness and neighborhood meetings.
3. The Remote Control Belongs to the Head of the House
You can be watching your favorite TV show, enjoying yourself, then your dad walks in and suddenly the channel changes to news.
It doesn’t matter if you were watching for hours—the moment an adult enters, you just surrender the remote. No arguments. No complaints. Just vibes and disappointment.
And don’t even try to change the channel back when they leave. Somehow, they’ll hear it from their room and come back to switch it again.
4. If There’s Meat in the Pot, Say Goodbye to It
Every Nigerian child knows that the meat in the pot is a ticking time bomb. If you’re lucky, you’ll get your fair share. If not, one of your older siblings will say:
“Mummy said I should help her finish it.”
Lies.
Pure deception.
Your mother never said that.
5. Sundays Are for Rice—No Arguments
No matter how much you love pasta, yam, or beans, Sunday is strictly reserved for rice and stew. It has been like this since the beginning of time.
And let’s not forget, if there’s no fried rice or jollof rice on Christmas Day, just know that the family meeting that year was unsuccessful.
6. Once It’s 7 PM, You’re No Longer Hungry
Try telling a Nigerian mother that you’re hungry at night, and you’ll hear:
“Go and drink water.”
Because according to them, hunger doesn’t exist after sunset. No matter how much you explain that you’re starving, the best you’ll get is:
“Did you not eat in the afternoon?”
We Love It Here
Despite these unspoken rules, we wouldn’t trade our Nigerian households for anything. The chaos, the discipline, the humor, and the love—it’s what makes home truly special.
So, if you find yourself fetching the remote for your mum, battling for the last piece of meat, or struggling with sudden nighttime hunger, just remember: it’s all part of the experience.
Until next Thursday, stay strong—and hide your meat well!
