Welcome to another edition of Thursday Chronicles, where we tackle real-life struggles with a pinch of humor and a whole lot of truth. Today, we are diving into a role that is harder than NYSC, tougher than Lagos traffic, and more demanding than a Nigerian landlord—being a firstborn in a Nigerian family.
If you are a firstborn, this article is for you. If you are not, then read this with respect because we have suffered for you people.
1. The Default Assistant Parent
The moment a Nigerian child is born as a firstborn, they automatically become the Assistant Parent.
- Mummy: “Did your brother eat?”
- Daddy: “Check your sister’s homework.”
- Uncle: “Make sure your siblings behave well.”
Excuse me, sir/ma, did I apply for this job?
No salary, no benefits, just stress and unnecessary responsibility.
2. School Fees? You Are Now a Co-Sponsor
The moment you get your first job, your parents will subtly remind you that your younger siblings’ school fees need contribution.
- You: “Daddy, I just got paid!”
- Daddy: “That’s great! Your brother’s WAEC form is ₦30,000. Let me send account number.”
WAHALA! So after struggling with BRT fights, expensive data, and bad bosses, your reward is paying school fees for children you didn’t give birth to.
3. You Must Be a Role Model, Whether You Like It or Not
A Nigerian firstborn cannot misbehave in peace.
If you fail in life, your younger ones will suffer.
If you succeed, you must carry everybody along.
- Mummy: “See your younger sister looking up to you!”
- Uncle: “Your younger ones are watching you o.”
Can’t they watch football or Netflix instead?
4. You Are the Family ATM
Once you start making money, your entire family’s financial problems become your concern.
- Mummy: “Aunty needs transport to the village.”
- Brother: “I need money for an assignment.”
- Cousin: “I just need small 5k to sort something.”
So now, you are a walking CBN without CBN salary?
5. The Wedding Wahala
Once you cross age 25, your parents start acting strange.
- Mummy: “When will we wear aso-ebi for your wedding?”
- Aunties: “Time is going o!”
Even if your younger siblings are not married yet, all eyes are on you.
6. The Bright Side? You Become a Warrior!
Despite all the wahala, firstborns develop strong survival skills.
- You become a financial planner.
- You become a professional problem-solver.
And most importantly, you learn how to dodge unnecessary expenses.
Firstborns, We Will Be Alright
Being a firstborn in a Nigerian home is not for the weak. But guess what? We move!
One day, we will also enjoy the fruit of our labor and remind our younger ones:
“Do you know how I suffered for you?”
Until next Thursday, stay strong, firstborns. You are not alone!
