Thursday Chronicles: The Art Of Negotiating With Reality (And Winning)

Hello, my fellow Survivors of the Struggle! Welcome back to the weekly gathering of the “I-Thought-This-Week-Would-Be-Productive” support group. Grab a cold drink, or a warm one if the office AC is currently trying to turn you into a frozen chicken, and let’s gist.

There is a specific brand of delusion that hits a Nigerian on Sunday night. You’ll be there, smelling like fresh laundry and hope, telling yourself, “This week, I will be a Corporate Titan. I will reply to emails in 0.5 seconds. I will meal prep. I will exercise.” By Monday morning, the 3rd Mainland Bridge (or your local equivalent of purgatory) has already insulted your plans. By Tuesday, your “meal prep” is actually just gala and a dream. And by Thursday? Thursday is when we stop pretending and start wondering if we can retire at 26 with three thousand naira in our savings account.

Living here is basically a PhD program in managing disappointment. You learn very quickly that “I’m on my way” is a philosophical statement, not a geographical one. It could mean “I am currently entering the shower” or “I am in another state entirely.” We live in a land of plot twists. You expect the light to stay on; the transformer says “Not today, my fan.” You expect the bank app to work; the app decides to go on a spiritual retreat. We have become experts at expecting the unexpected while simultaneously hoping for a miracle. It’s a delicate dance, like trying to eat spicy jollof rice while wearing a white shirt; risky, stressful, but we do it anyway.

Adulthood is the ultimate “Expectation vs. Reality” meme. We grew up thinking adults had “The Plan.” Now we realize everyone is just confidently winging it. Your boss is winging it. Your landlord is winging it. Even the person selling you roasted corn is negotiating with the forces of inflation. The funniest part is the “Secret Olympic Games” of adulting, where we all look at each other on LinkedIn and think everyone is winning, while in reality, most of us are just one “per my last email” away from a minor breakdown. We are all doing mental gymnastics, trying to balance our bank balance with our desire to buy things that “make us feel alive.”

Pro Tip: If you see someone looking too calm on a Thursday in this economy, check their ears. They are likely listening to a podcast to drown out the sound of their own responsibilities.

In Nigeria, if you don’t laugh, you will accidentally start an argument with a mannequin. Humour is our oxygen. We laugh when a meeting that could have been a WhatsApp message lasts three hours. We laugh when someone promises us “Heaven and Earth” but delivers “Dust and Vibes.” This laughter isn’t because we are fine; it’s because we are resilient. It’s how we tell life, “You tried to stress me, but I have a meme for this.”

Thursday is the day we audit our souls. You expected to be a millionaire by now, or at least someone who doesn’t contemplate the price of eggs for ten minutes at the supermarket. But look closely. Growth isn’t always about the bank balance. Sometimes growth is: not losing your temper when someone cuts you off in traffic, realizing that “No” is a complete sentence, and understanding that your worth isn’t tied to how many items you ticked off a to-do list that was unrealistic anyway.

Key Take-Home Points for the Tired
1. The Expectation: “I’ll finish everything today.”
The Reality Check: You will finish what the network allows.
2. ⁠The Expectation: “They promised to pay today.”
⁠The Reality Check: “Today” is a relative term in business.
3. ⁠The Expectation: ⁠”I’ll start my diet.”
⁠⁠The Reality Check: Puff-puff is a vegetable if you believe hard enough.
4. ⁠⁠The Expectation: “I need to be perfect.”
⁠The Reality Check: Being “present” is already a 10/10 performance.

Lessons Worth Carrying into Friday
1. Protect your peace: It’s the only thing that doesn’t have a VAT charge yet.
2. Lower the bar: Not your standards, just your expectations of people who have already shown you they are “vibes and Insha’Allah.”
3. Celebrate the “Small” Wins: You bathed, you showed up, and you haven’t been arrested for battery. That’s a successful week!
4. Detachment is Wealth: If it’s out of your control, it’s out of your mind.

As we wrap up this week’s chronicles, please remember: you are doing great. Even if your only achievement this week was staying hydrated and not crying during a Zoom call, I am proud of you.
The weekend is hovering on the horizon like a faint hope. Adjust your expectations, forgive yourself for the things you didn’t get to do, and remember that tomorrow is Friday; the international day of “I’ll do it on Monday.”

Go forth and be great, my fellow Survivors. If the world gives you lemons, check the price of sugar before you commit to making lemonade.

Another Thursday is here. We move!