Welcome back to Thursday Chronicles, the only place where we drag love, life, and Lagos without shame or makeup. If you’re currently in a talking stage that has lasted longer than a master’s degree, or you’ve memorized someone’s favorite color, food, trauma and Netflix password — yet you’re still not “dating” — please, this one is for you. Grab chinchin and face front.
These days, it seems like the talking stage is the new relationship. People spend 3 months, 5 months, even a full year talking to each other like they’re trying to win a visa lottery, only to end up saying, “We’re just vibing.” Vibing to where? Ibadan?
The talking stage used to be a short bridge between “hello” and “I like you.” Now it’s a whole express road, with no fuel, no direction, and no plan to reach destination. You’re talking every day, sending memes, dropping “good morning baby” texts, doing FaceTime with bonnet and wrapper, but if anyone asks what’s going on, you clear throat and say,
“Ehn… we’re just getting to know each other.”
Getting to know what? The person’s great-grandfather?
You’ll start exchanging voice notes, analyzing each other’s childhood traumas, bonding over who also had strict parents and who was beating cerelac in 2004. You’ll give emotional support, offer soft advice, do morning prayers together. But still, no relationship. Just “vibes and inshallah.”
And let’s not lie, some of us romanticize the talking stage because it feels safe. No commitment, no label, no pressure. You enjoy the attention, the intimacy, the butterflies, without the responsibility. You get to post cute quotes like “he makes me smile” while still saying “I’m single” with your full chest.
But guess what? Talking stage is a dangerous place to build castles. Because once you start catching feelings in a situation where only one person knows the agenda, heartbreak is lurking in the corner like a hungry mosquito. The moment you ask, “So what are we?” the vibe changes. Next thing, they start replying slowly, using “bro” in sentences, or hitting you with:
“Let’s not rush things.”
Rush? We’ve been talking since Buhari was in power.
The truth is, the talking stage is now used as a hideout. A soft place for emotionally unavailable people to enjoy relationship benefits without signing the contract. It’s “try-before-you-buy”, but some people never buy. They just keep trying until your battery dies.
And it’s even more annoying when you finally leave the talking stage, thinking you’ve moved on, and the person resurfaces like a Nollywood ghost:
“I miss what we had.”
What we had? We had confusion and data wastage.
But let’s be honest, it’s not always evil. Sometimes the talking stage helps you spot red flags early. You learn who’s unserious, who’s manipulative, who’s boring, and who still types “are you home” at 11:47pm. It gives you time to breathe. To observe. To choose wisely. The problem is staying there too long and calling it “love.”
If you’re in a talking stage right now, my dear, just ask the question. Don’t be afraid of clarity. If the answer sounds like “let’s see how it goes”, start going. Carry your heart and go in peace. Because if you don’t define the relationship, the relationship will define you. And sometimes, it will define you as “just friend that’s emotionally available.”
And for those who enjoy the talking stage because commitment scares you, please go and heal. Love is not a group project. If you want soft life, you must do the hard thing of being honest about your intentions. Stop dragging people into talking marathons with no finish line. It’s not NYSC.
Thanks for joining this week’s episode of Thursday Chronicles, where we talk about modern love with modern confusion and ancient wisdom.
Whether you’re freshly out of a talking stage or still knee-deep inside one, remember: you deserve clear intentions, real effort, and love that doesn’t come with “I’m not ready” disclaimers.
See you next Thursday, same gist corner, same emotional rollercoaster, same drama with better lighting. Until then, ask questions, collect answers, and stop calling confusion “vibe.”
